And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
