I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's never too late to be topless.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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