tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
