Just fell off a train. Bad.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
