Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
