New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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