It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
