I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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