I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
