I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
