I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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