Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
