Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
