I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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