We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
