Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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