Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
