so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
