Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
