Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
