You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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