Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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