Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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