I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
