if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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