Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
