My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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