the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
