I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
