Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
