She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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