you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
