Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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