She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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