Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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