Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
