watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Say something about gay babies.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
