Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
