It was confusing and full of hummus
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
