She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
