This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
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