I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
