does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
