mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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