just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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