@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
