She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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