dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
