what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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