i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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