woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
