how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
