Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
